-A Memoir That Describes A Serious Account Of Personal Crisis And Spiritual Indifference-

At the abandoned lot, I slept in the center for the safety of the street lamps.

I was being pulled by something I did not know, to face a dark past I thought I had left behind, forgotten.

All of my life I had been a stranger to myself until it happened…

Two years ago on May 14th, I was shocked by a sudden spiritual crisis that lasted 124 days. I barely made it through some of those confusing, dark nights, alone and terrified. A lot of necessary learning occurred during that period, overwhelming me, and forever changing the person I was. What happened was pretty profound, with all of its mystical attributes and nightmarish scenarios. I explain that when it began for me, I was only this broken, hardcore drug addict without any spiritual knowledge or the will to live. I didn’t know who I was and that scared me to no end, forcing me to always runaway, and I was great at it. I did that for years, becoming comfortable in that misery. But after everything had completed its cycle of regeneration that spring and summer, there was a different person who came out at the other end, at peace and wholy grateful. But getting there was no easy task. I had to look at the dark realities that were set before me to understand, accept, change, and grow from. And it was my destruction of those dark realities that has left me forever humble and at peace for the life I have left to enjoy.

These are small pieces of what took place, with a narrative from my mind’s eye added also. I didn’t leave anything I thought to be relevant and important out, but I will add that the language can be very raw at times. In this memoir, I have written this for other people to understand just how powerfully mystical and surreal the awakening process expressed itself to me, nearly shaking me to my death.

– I note that I will never forget about the dark nights of the soul that showed themselves throughout it. I didn’t know what the term “dark night of the soul” even meant, I simply thought I had gone mad, unaware that God could still be waiting for me to wake up and see the world for what it was, rather than having turned his back on me. But to move forward, I first had to look at the things I had created and destroyed that were toxic and needed to be released and destroyed. And boy, there was a lot of stuff. It is several years later, and I still do a lot of contemplation regarding the nature of the lessons I was taught, and the fashion that it was presented to me in. I probably always will. However, I realize that those experiences had to happen the way they did, for me to learn from them, as this teaching ultimately saved me, and the rest of my awesome existence I have here on this earth. Even during those worst moments, when I thought I couldn’t fight anymore, I knew I had to pick myself up and push my way out to the other side, maybe a little dusty and bruised, but definitely not broken. It was a time of great personal change, and that is what this story is about. Was it all worth it in the end? Hell ya, it was. Hell ya.

Awakened Memoir Blog

Awakened Memoir

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